


Whiskey Sour

by Imogen_LeFay



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Contemplations over Cocktails, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Whiskey Sour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26365129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imogen_LeFay/pseuds/Imogen_LeFay
Summary: Dark, and sweet, and sour...As he sits over his drink – and boy, does he have too many thoughts about a drink – Blaine reminisces over possibly losing one of the best things in his life.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 12
Kudos: 69





	Whiskey Sour

**Author's Note:**

> Self-indulgence time! Or the one where I literally have Blaine spend pages philosophizing about a cocktail.  
> Also, here's what you missed on Canon Divergence: Everything played out pretty much as you know it until season 5, the only thing surviving from season 6 is the Klaine breakup, except afterwards Blaine managed to put himself together in New York, and even stayed at NYADA.  
> Also, he has a lot of thoughts about a certain cocktail.  
> And that's waht you missed on Canon Divergence.

* * *

The lighting is dim, there’s very soft jazz music playing. The wood of the bar is smooth underneath his hand, the bar stool surprisingly comfortable. Everything here tells him he isn’t in his usual dive. But he needs a drink.

It’s what he told Tina, once he brought her to her subway stop after she caught his show.

“Will you be okay?” she asked. “You know… this might be a good thing. You know you’re better off without him, right?”

He isn’t, and he thinks he even told her, but it doesn’t change anything now, does it? And of course, this is the bar he finds himself at.

Sebastian was the one who introduced him to this place. They came here after his first performance in an off-Broadway show, Sebastian beaming with pride and promising amazing drinks and a mind blowing after party at his apartment. It started raining halfway there, Sebastian cursed, and Blaine still remembers laughing, kissing him, and feeling like for once, everything was the way it should be.

Three months ago, and yet as if it was in another life.

“What can I get you?” the bartender asks.

Blaine looks up from the menu – he’s been looking at it, but hasn’t been able to read even one single word. He doesn’t have to, really.

“Whiskey Sour,” he said.

“Okay.”

He blinks, wills himself to keep it together, but as the bartender starts shaking, he can’t help but think back…

_“Why would you even say something like that? What is_ wrong _with you?”_

_“You knew from the start who I am.”_

_“I guess we’ve both been fooling ourselves…”_

_“Maybe you should go…”_

A glass is put in front of him, an amber liquid inside and a lemon slice on the rim. He thanks the bartender, who has already turned to deal with the next customer. All he’s left with was his drink, and that feeling of loneliness. He sighs, and hoping it might help dispel his thoughts at least, takes a sip from the glass.

The strong body of the whiskey overwhelms him at first, like it always does. There’s something dark in it, something heavy. He knows it’s too strong for him, can barely take a sip of pure whiskey without coughing. He’s very aware of how addictive it can be. And fine, maybe he needs it softened like this… But then, he can let himself enjoy it. It goes down his throat, warm, a slow burn, and even though he can tell it’s dangerous if he lets his guard down, he enjoys it.

_Back in high school, he could have sworn Sebastian had some sort of radar, contacting him whenever he needed someone to talk to – showing up at the Lima Bean when he was frustrated about Sectionals, calling after especially frustrating rehearsals, when Finn had told him to shut up, or Artie had another insane last minute idea about the musical. Sebastian had known somehow and called him._

_So maybe, he shouldn’t have been surprised that Sebastian would show up in his life again when he was just trying to rise up from rock bottom._

_Just at the beginning of Blaine’s second year at NYADA, his engagement had finally eroded to the breaking point. He suddenly had to move into the dorms, and tried to figure out his life, while running into his ex almost daily. He’d even started to wonder whether NYADA really was the right place for him. And then, at a party a girl from his modern dance class invited him to, he ran into Sebastian and his friends from Columbia. And damn, he hadn’t wasted any time._

_“Nice hair. I always wondered what it would look like if you ever… let loose.”_

_Blaine turned, and suddenly, he had a pretty good idea where the night would go. “Why don’t we find out?” he asked._

_Sebastian laughed, and Blaine felt surprised at just how gorgeous he looked._

_Sebastian had always been just on the edge of overwhelming – the heat in his gaze when he looked at Blaine, his compliments, really, just the attention he gave… Back then, it had taken all of Blaine’s discipline not to give in, to remind himself of the relationship, the love he didn’t want to risk. But now, when he was free, with nothing holding him back?_

_It was too easy to get swept away, to give in to the fire Sebastian’s touch caused on his skin, to drown under the intensity of his gaze. He really hadn’t stood a chance. And from that first night on… well, he was hooked._

_“Am I going to see you again?” he asked, trying not to sound too shy, as he was leaving Sebastian’s apartment the next morning._

_Sebastian laughed, ran a hand through Blaine’s hair – and wow, did he seem to like that – before putting their foreheads together. “I was kind of counting on it,” he said._

The sweetness comes from simple syrup. Blaine knows it’s too sweet, a clear, sticky liquid, and tasting it on its own had mostly been on mistake. It takes the bite out of the other ingredients, pulls the whole thing together. It’s always the part of a cocktail Blaine likes the most. Maybe his palate is too childish, but he knows he can’t take the hard stuff without something to lighten it up. Not all day every day. Just enough, a splash of optimism. A spoon full of sugar.

_“Thanks for coming with me.”_

_Blaine hated how his voice sounded, stuffed and raspy. His head was pounding, and he felt like he hadn’t slept in days. After a week, Sebastian had had enough and basically dragged him to the doctor. Blaine wasn’t sure why, he’d gotten a few prescriptions, and was told that he was very unlikely to have pneumonia, but apart from that, he wasn’t sure whether it was worth all the trouble. Now, he was sitting in an Uber on the way back, leaning against Sebastian who was too busy stroking his hair to answer._

_Blaine closed his eyes, dozing off, until Sebastian nudged him. “Come on, we’re here.”_

_But when he got out, they weren’t in front of the dorm building. Sebastian stepped out of the car, and threw a duffel bag over his shoulder that Blaine recognized as his own._

_“What are we doing at your place?” Blaine asked._

_“Those dorms are so germ ridden, no wonder you caught something,” Sebastian said instead of an answer, “and your roommate is a total pain. How is anybody supposed to get better in that sardine can?”_

_Blaine stopped, staring at Sebastian, not sure if through the haze of his cold he really understood what was happening. “Wait… are you bringing me to your place to take care of me?”_

_Sebastian rolled his eyes, but there was a hint of blush on his cheeks. “Well,_ someone _has to,” he said. “Don’t worry, I packed a few of your things while you were figuring out how to button a shirt.”_

_“That was mean,” Blaine muttered, as Sebastian put an arm around him to lead him inside. “But you’re being so nice right now, so it’s okay.” He wanted to say something else, but had to sneeze instead._

_“Okay, snot-monster, let’s get you under a blanket somewhere,” Sebastian said._

_“You always try that,” Blaine said as he followed upstairs._

_“Yeah, well, but the motive changes when you’re not even able to breathe through your nose,” Sebastian said._

_Blaine stared at him for a moment, until he understood the implication, then rolled his eyes and followed. And he had to admit, this was much nicer than his dorm room. Sebastian’s bed was warm and soft, the mattress not half-tattered, there was no constant barrage of sounds from all rooms around him coming in, not to mention his roommate constantly practicing his falsetto. After a while, Sebastian even brought him a bowl of soup – canned, sure, but Blaine really appreciated the gesture._

_“You know,” he said, blowing air onto a spoon of chicken soup. “That’s a whole lot effort for someone who’s not even your boyfriend…” Maybe it was stupid to stir the pot now. They hadn’t really talked about what they were to each other. They went on dates, they slept together, they talked about everything and nothing… Blaine felt safe around him in a way he wasn’t used to. Did he really have to be worried here?_

_Sebastian chuckled. “You’re right, would be kind of wasted on someone’s who’s not my boyfriend. So, I guess we’ll get you packed up and I take you back to your dorm?”_

_Blaine’s jaw dropped, but before he could protest or even think about it, Sebastian was smirking._

_“Or, you know, we could just make this official. Sounds like a lot less trouble.”_

_Blaine smiled so wide, it was almost painful – or maybe it was, and just didn’t register among everything else that hurt. “You know… you’re really good at this.”_

_“Yeah, well, don’t tell anyone,” Sebastian said. “Just think of my reputation.”_

Of course, the Sour is nothing without the acid. It has to be lemon juice, freshly squeezed. The difficult thing is to strike the balance, a bridge between the darkness of the whiskey and the sugary sweetness of the syrup, without overpowering the other tastes. The lemon in itself is too sharp, could bite and hurt. Only in combination can it work. It makes and needs the balance at the same time.

Maybe balance is just something Blaine isn’t good at.

_“Why would you even say something like that? What is_ wrong _with you?”_

_He wasn’t even sure how they’d gotten to this point. It had somehow started when Blaine had wanted Sebastian to come along to the sort-of reunion Rachel was organizing, to which Sebastian had… really, no interest at all. And maybe Blaine should have let it go, or bring up some other time, when they weren’t both exhausted from insane days at their respective colleges, when he hadn’t been slightly riled up himself after talking to Rachel and Kurt for the first time in months… But he kept digging, and Sebastian had engaged, and somehow, they had ended up like this._

_“Just face the facts, Blaine. You’re so called friends don’t give a crap about you, all they want is to make themselves look better!”_

_Blaine shook his head, and even as he wanted to stop, he couldn’t. “You’re making it really easy for them, thanks for that!”_

_“What do you want from me? You knew from the start who I am. I never pretended. And what, now that your ex is talking to you again, suddenly you feel the need to… transform me into some picture-perfect boyfriend who plays your plus one at high school reunions?”_

_“Oh, yeah, I’m sorry, I forgot your precious reputation,” Blaine shot back. “God forbid something messes with that. Can’t have people think you_ care _about people.”_

_“I don’t! I don’t care about any of them. Just because I care about you, doesn’t suddenly make me a different person.”_

_“I don’t want you to be a different person! I…” He stopped, not sure how he should express this. He knew that Sebastian cared about him, even if he sometimes had problems showing it. When it was just the two of them, things were pretty much perfect. But they couldn’t always be in isolation. There was a world out there…_

_“I just want you to be my boyfriend,” he said, surprised at how weak his voice sounded. “Not just behind closed doors.”_

_There was silence, and when Sebastian spoke again, his voice was softer too. But still, a bitter undertone. No, not bitter... acid. “Funny… and here I thought I am your boyfriend. But I guess we’ve both been fooling ourselves with that one.”_

_Blaine froze. And there it was, the thing he’d been worried about, that deep down Sebastian didn’t want this, at least not enough to fight for it._

_“Maybe you should go,” he said. His voice was level, and for the life of him he’d never understood why._

_Sebastian looked at him, dozens of different emotions warring on his face before it closed down. And then he turned, walking out of Blaine’s life._

Blaine takes another sip of his drink, lets the different notes hit his taste buds, the darkness, the acid, the sugary sweetness, each on its own, and still combined, before he gulps, lets the slow burn slide down his throat.

He knows, he was scared and insecure, and he let go of one of the best things in his life, and for what? Just because he was too afraid to be left once again? Is this really better?

Of course, he already knows the answer. But is it too late to fix this?

“I thought I might find you here.”

His heartbeat speeds up so fast, it could be funny. But it doesn’t matter, because when he turns around, Sebastian is standing in front of him.

“Hey,” he says, and his smiles looks just a bit sheepish. Not as self-assured, as it usually is. It doesn’t look like Sebastian has gotten a lot more sleep lately than Blaine has. “I… got a message from your friend Tina… she said you weren’t doing so well… that you were coming here for a drink, and I thought… this has gone long enough, I need to see you. Talk to you. Because… I feel like I should have done that a lot more.”

“Sebastian…” Just one word, and in this moment, it’s all Blaine can say. It’s not enough. He has to apologize, take it all back, and tell him he doesn’t need any performance for anyone. He just wants him back.

But before he can even think of how to say any of this, it’s Sebastian who speaks.

“I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”

Blaine stares, and whatever beginnings of a script he drafted in his head, it’s gone.

“When you brought up your friends, and your ex… I just… I didn’t want to meet them. I thought they would just remind you of all the crap I pulled back then. Of what I did to you. And they’d remind you how much I suck at this. At being a boyfriend. I know I’m not that great at it. I’ve never been one before, never wanted to try before you. So, I know, I’m not what you deserve. And when you said, you wanted me to be your boyfriend… I just thought, what if I’m never good enough?”

“Good enough?” Blaine asks. “But… no, Sebastian, you’ve been amazing. I just… I wanted to be able to go to my friends and show you off as my boyfriend. To let others know, that this is real. And that was stupid, I get it. I really just wanted to be sure that you want this. That you want to be my boyfriend.”

“I do,” Sebastian says. “I am serious about you, Blaine. I just wasn’t sure that I was enough. That I could be this _ideal boyfriend_ , or whatever…”

“I don’t need you to be an ideal anything,” Blaine says. “I just want to be with you. Is this… is this okay?”

Sebastian looks at him, so much emotion in his eyes they’re almost overflowing. He bows down, and places a kiss onto Blaine’s lips, soft, and slow, and sensual, and all the answer Blaine needs. He puts his arms around Sebastian – around his boyfriend – and suddenly, it’s so much easier to breathe again.

Eventually, Sebastian pulls back, looking into his eyes. “Are we okay?”

Blaine nods. “So okay.”

Sebastian chuckles, and then his eyes fall towards the drink. He looks at Blaine, a raised eyebrow as the only question before he picks up the glass and takes a sip. Just a hint of surprise appears on his face.

“Whiskey Sour?” he asks. “Huh… hadn’t thought that was your drink.”

Blaine shrugs, but can’t help the smile spreading on his face.

“It’s a bit of a complicated drink,” he said. “I wasn’t so sure about it at first… but the more I get to know it, the more I love it.”

Sebastian grins, and runs a hand through his hair. “Am I missing a metaphor here?”

Blaine laughs, and kisses him until he forgets the question.


End file.
